Humans are social creatures who seek personal validation based on how others interact with them. We feel good and important when others share our belief system and dejected when there’s a conflict of opinions.

人类是社交动物，他们根据他人与他人的互动方式寻求个人认可。 当其他人分享我们的信仰体系时，我们感到良好而重要；而在意见冲突时，我们感到沮丧。

It’s then natural to want to work with people who are just like us, our clones.

想要与像我们这样的克隆人一样的人一起工作是很自然的。

Every once in a while when we come across people who do not value our inputs, who crush our ideas, ignore what we have to say, act like a know-it-all, seem to find pleasure in criticism and satisfaction in creating chaos, and who look for the negative side of things, it upsets us.

每隔一段时间，当我们遇到不珍惜我们意见的人，粉碎我们的想法，无视我们要说的话，像万事通一样行事时，似乎在批评中感到高兴，并在制造混乱时感到满足，谁在寻找事物的消极面，这会让我们不高兴。

These so-called difficult people push our buttons by acting in undesirable ways. Their behaviour gives us permission to pass judgement and offload responsibility by blaming them. After all, they are at fault.

这些所谓的困难者通过以不良的方式行事来推动我们前进。 他们的行为使我们可以通过指责他们来做出判断并减轻责任。 毕竟，他们有错。

Epictetus, a Greek stoic philosopher once said, “Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.”

希腊坚忍的哲学家埃皮克提图斯曾经说过：“男人不是被事物打扰，而是被他们对事物的看法所打扰。”

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While difficult people are a reality of life and everything we feel about them may be true, is it really in our best interest to navigate our lives by blaming them, holding them responsible for not reaching our goals, and pretending that we didn’t succeed because of some mean co-workers?

虽然困难的人是生活的现实，我们对他们的一切感觉都是真实的，但通过责备他们，让他们为未达到目标负责，并假装我们没有成功，来过我们的生活真的符合我们的最大利益吗？因为一些卑鄙的同事？

Is there a better way of working with difficult people? Can we shift from acting as a critic who passes judgement or a victim who is being defensive to a responsible adult who can work with different types of people?

有更好的方法与困难的人一起工作吗？ 我们可以从扮演判断力强的批评家或防御性受害者的角色转变成可以与不同类型的人一起工作的负责任的成年人吗？

Before jumping to strategies, let us learn how we think, act, and behave around difficult people. Unless we understand our own mindset, any strategy we try to put to practice will be superficial. It will not address our underlying emotions, the most critical aspect to deal with while working with people we find difficult and challenging.

在采取策略之前，让我们学习如何在困难的人周围思考，采取行动和表现。 除非我们了解自己的心态，否则我们尝试实施的任何策略都是肤浅的。 它不会解决我们的内在情绪，这是与我们发现困难和挑战的人一起工作时最关键的方面。

“To try to change outward attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms from which those attitudes and behaviors flow. As clearly and objectively as we think we see things, we begin to realize that others see them differently from their own apparently equally clear and objective point of view. ‘Where we stand depends on where we sit.’”

从长远来看，如果我们未能检验那些态度和行为所基于的基本范式，试图改变外在态度和行为将无济于事。 正如我们认为自己所看到的那样清晰而客观，我们开始意识到其他人从他们自己同样明显清晰和客观的角度来看待它们的方式也有所不同。 “我们的立场取决于我们的立场。””

— The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

—斯蒂芬·R·科维(Stephen R. Covey)的七种高效人的习惯